i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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