I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?