You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill