You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize