while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho