My underwear smells like fireworks.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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