Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
