ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
