On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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