i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
