No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
