i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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