mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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