So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
