I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
