cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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