The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
