I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
