I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
