forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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