I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
