2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
