hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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