there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
