i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
