I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
