Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
