I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I FOUND THE LEGS
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
