ugly people sure do ruin things
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
