people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
