No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
