my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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