Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
