I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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