I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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