I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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