Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
