FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
