The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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