Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
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