i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He passed out mid-signature
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
