Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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