i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
operation harelip BJ is a go
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
