at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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