the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
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I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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