Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I had to cum in my sink.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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