final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
