It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
