Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.