Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.