I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
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She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself