Babe...You're really smothering me right now
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her