it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?