I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming