a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
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Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
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Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.