I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
