i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
