Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
