He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
