I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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