a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
