After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
