Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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