i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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