so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
