Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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