I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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