I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
