I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
