I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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