recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We are all done wearing pants today
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
