dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
