I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The beer is more important than you right now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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