I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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