; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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