Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
